Hope And Fear
by shimmerinstars
Summary: After incapacitating Sam, Dean goes after Abaddon with Crowley. Sam, with a late start follows, trying to get to Dean in time to help and before the blade's power consumes him.


**Disclaimer:** Not Mine

**A/N:** Thank you to JediSapphire for the beta.

**Warning:** Secondary character death.

**Summary:** After incapacitating Sam, Dean goes after Abaddon with Crowley. Sam, with a late start follows, trying to get to Dean in time to help and before the blade's power consumes him.

o0o

Sam awoke startled to find himself lying on the motel room couch. Head pounding and mind blank, he sat up quickly. Immediately the room began to spin. But he managed to stay upright long enough to duck his head between his knees and after a few moments sat up again this time slowly and found the room no longer moved.

Dean did this, Sam concluded. He was groggy but remembered they had been tipped off by one of Crowley's loyalists to where Abaddon would be days in advance and how odd Dean's behavior became as they put their plan together. A plan which included Crowley who had possession of the blade and which also included Dean killing him after Abaddon was taken care of.

Dean must have slipped something into his drink at dinner Sam figured and now he needed to know how much of a head start his big brother had. Sam had no idea how long he'd been knocked out but checking his cell he was astonished to find it had only been a couple of hours. Definitely not what Dean was aiming for but probably the result of his caution with the dosage and not taking into account Sam's size.

Sam was feeling the effects of the drug but the dose wasn't high enough to keep him under. Which fortunately for Sam gave him a window of opportunity to get to Dean in time to help with Abaddon and to make sure his older brother wasn't consumed by whatever power this blade had. He was also pretty sure Crowley had a surprise in store and not a good one.

They'd been given a time when Abbaddon would arrive at this particular warehouse, one of many in which she was mining souls. But there came with that tip a warning that she could show up hours earlier or later than expected since she answered to no one and Sam hoped with all his might this Knight of Hell was running late.

o0o

Sam's legs felt like heavy weights he couldn't fully feel or totally control and his first attempt at standing had them buckling under him and he flopped back down on the couch. Once he was able to master standing Sam tried walking and between his slowed thought process and uncooperative long legs he looked like a wobbly new-born colt taking his first steps.

Sam had a rough idea of where this abandoned warehouse was, having made a test run but he needed their amended directions to avoid getting lost and wasting any valuable time with how rural the landscape became once they got close to the place.

But his computer was gone. He also found that information removed from his cell and the printed copy of those specific directions he had in his duffel were missing too. Dean had been thorough in trying to keep him out of this Sam guessed to protect him. But what Dean hadn't counted on was Sam printing out a second copy to be on the safe side and hiding them under his mattress. It was an obvious and clichéd spot but Sam had them now in his hands.

o0o

Sam set a new slower than crap record for hot wiring a car. His movement looking for a secluded car in the motel parking lot was awkward and exhausting but he managed to find one and get it started.

Unsteady and weaving Sam barely kept the car on the road but he managed to get himself and the vehicle to the outskirts of the warehouse both unscathed. But his slowed physical and mental state from the effects of the drug would cost him as he worked his way towards the abandoned building.

Following a pathway of bodies, demons no doubt Dean and Crowley had taken care of Sam had to battle the stragglers left along the way. He managed with all the grit and determination he had to be the victor each time, but in doing so Sam was badly beaten and suffered some minor injuries.

Bruised, bloodied, and in pain Sam got himself to the front of the warehouse but found it almost impossible to take another step. His body wanted to collapse but Sam wouldn't let it. Dean needed him.

o0o

Sam pushed the door open and stepped into what looked like a war zone, bodies many in parts were strewn everywhere in the large room, empty outside of some crates piled in a corner. The walls and floors were splattered with blood and a glowing light could be seen streaming from a far rear door ajar, no doubt where the souls were being stored. The only survivor appeared to be Dean who was standing over Abaddon's decapitated body, blade in one hand, while holding her head in the other, like a trophy to be proud of.

"Dean," Sam called out thankful to see his brother.

"Why are you here?" Dean asked coldly, turning to face him.

"To help, why else?" Sam answered taken aback by the chilling tone of Dean's voice and the darkness seen in his eyes. "You are my brother Dean. I'd never let you do this alone. But then again you already know that, it's why you drugged me."

"I did fine without you." Dean motioned to his handy work with the blade, then lifted Abaddon's head to make his point before tossing it beside her body. "And if I remember correctly you said we were no longer brothers."

"I was angry at what you did Dean and you know that," Sam defended himself. "I never meant it!"

"Yet all this time and you never said differently."

"I never stopped seeing you as my brother, I was going to tell you that."

"Guess you should have spoken up sooner."

"What's that supposed to mean?'

Dean took a step towards Sam eyeing the blade he was now powerfully connected to. "I no longer need you as my brother or anything else for that matter."

"You don't mean that," Sam said the hurt written on his face.

Dean smirked as he moved closer and facing Sam put the blade to his throat, "I do mean it."

"Dean, Abaddon is dead. You accomplished everything you set out to do. Just drop the blade," Sam spoke calmly trying to reach his brother but the only response he got was the smirk on Dean's face widening.

"It's over Dean, she's dead, please drop the blade," Sam tried again this time more firmly and found the blade being pressed harder against his throat but he also saw a flicker of something familiar and warm in those dark eyes.

Sam made his case again for Dean to drop the weapon but this time he spoke straight from his heart. "I can't do this without you Dean and I don't want to. You are my big brother and I love you more than anything in this world, please drop the blade!"

This time the blade pressed hard enough to pierce Sam's skin and when he flinched from the pain, the pressure on his throat suddenly eased and Dean's hand began to shake. Dean was fighting back Sam was sure of it but before he could say another word he was pushed forcefully and hit the floor hard, lifting his head to see Dean move towards the door and open it.

"Dean, no!" Sam called out watching as his brother disappeared into the night.

Alone now Sam used the little strength he had left to sit up and back himself against a wall for support. Drawing his knees to his chest, Sam held onto them for comfort and a place to rest his head.

o0o

"Hello Moose," Crowley's legs stepped into Sam's view.

"You knew?" Sam muttered angrily.

"That your brother was leaving you out of all the fun, yes I knew."

"Why didn't you say something? Why did you let him face this alone?" Sam lifted his head his eyes reflecting all the anger he could muster.

"Seriously? How dumb do you think I am? I knew Dean planned on using the blade on me once he took care of Ginger. One less Winchester put the odds in my favor for survival and here I stand. Besides I agreed with your brother, I didn't want to see anything happen to you. We share a bond you know, you and me. And now with your brother gone..."

"I'll find him," Sam cut him off.

"Yes, but the question is who will you find? He won't be the Dean you know anymore. Beside he already said he didn't need you as a brother anymore."

"Shut up! I'd kill you now if I could."

Sam put his head down and the tears just came. He had failed to reach his brother and he didn't care if Crowley saw him this way or about anything. Dean was his world and now he was gone. Maybe lost to him forever.

"Poor Moose. Don't be sad, you have me and I'll ..." Sam felt a hand on his head and then it was gone, followed by the slicing sound of metal-cutting flesh and bone and then there was a light thud.

Sam looked up eyes widening to see Crowley's headless body fall to the floor to the right of him and then there was a clanging sound as he watched the blade hit the floor and Dean was there on the ground in front of him. " It's me Sammy," Dean said, his warm eyes lovingly studying him as he gently pushed the hair back off his face, followed by fingers tenderly brushing away tears.

"It wasn't me Sammy saying those things. It wasn't me," There was an urgency heard in Dean's voice for Sam to understand this.

"I know," Sam assured him. "I know."

All Sam wanted was to hold his big brother now, to know and to feel this was real, and his eyes must have said as much. Because he was soon wrapped up in arms that convinced him of that.

o0o

Sam pulled out of their embrace feeling Dean's reluctance to let him go, "The souls Dean we have to set them free."

"Okay and then we're going to get you home so I can patch you up," he stood to help Sam up.

"I'll take this," Sam said picking up the blade. "It needs to be hidden where no one will ever find it."

"That no one also includes me," Dean added. Sam agreed with a nod he'd handle this alone.

Dean grabbed a crate as they entered the back room and planted his younger brother on it. A wiped out Sam didn't argue when Dean insisted he sit there and rest and that he'd release the souls.

Remembering the profound effect freeing a soul had on him, Sam watched as Dean set the first one free. His expression was one of awe and wonder much like a child and Sam couldn't help but smile.

While Dean was releasing the souls he told Sam that he'd heard everything he said while under the blade's influence. That it was Sam's voice that gave him the strength to fight his way out of the dark place he was in.

Then he asked if Sam meant all of it.

"Every word," Sam answered without hesitation.

'"So you see me as your brother,even now?" Dean questioned his expression troubled.

"Yes I always have. What is it Dean?"

"What I did, drugging you. I don't understand how I could do such a thing. Even with me not trusting myself with the blade and afraid I might hurt you. It was over the line."

"We'll figure it out," Sam tried to ease his brother's mind. "We will, Dean." Sam was pissed but he also believed the blade had some kind of hold on his brother ever since he killed Magnus and it might have had a part in his decision-making. But it was still too serious and time-consuming a talk for now and after almost losing Dean and experiencing those few moments when he thought he did, it didn't seem that important to Sam.

"I think it's time for you and me Dean to air out all our issues and differences, and deal with them, not leave the bunker until we do,no matter how long it takes. I want us back."

"Me too Sammy. So let's do it."

They were just about done releasing the souls, Dean double-checking the shelves to make sure they didn't miss any.

"Hey, last one," Dean held out the jar to Sam .

Sam took it from him with a smile. "It feels good doesn't it making this kind of difference?"

"For a day that started out so shitty it sure ended up not being such a bad one. Setting souls free, now that's a first for me."

Sam set the last soul free and they were soon outside heading for the impala, Dean 's arm slung around his baby brother's shoulder for support.

"Sammy, what you said earlier about how you feel. When you were trying to get me to let go of the blade. I feel the same way."

"I know." Sam answered softly.

Dean tugged him closer,smiling.


End file.
